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  • Davina Roberts

My Partner Is a Hoarder


Hello Business Athlete readers. Last week, we had one of our readers write in to let us know that they just moved in with their partner. They told us that they took our tips and tricks from our blog about what you need to know before moving in with your partner, and they greatly appreciated it. But one thing that they were not expecting when they first moved in with their partner, is that they are a hoarder. They were so surprised to find out that the person that was so put together on dates was someone who lived such a messy lifestyle in their home.


Here's what they said. "I don't know how I can survive long-term with this. My partner and I just moved in with one another. We've decided to move into his home since it is larger and it would be more cost-effective in the long term. I was living in a condo, and the rent and the space just didn't make sense. Now, I've been to his house before. He has three bedrooms and two bathrooms. But, I've only ever really been in the main rooms like the dining room and kitchen and his room. Obviously I've used the bathroom, but I wouldn't say that they're overly messy. But when I started moving my things, I noticed that the other two bedrooms were packed to the capacity. When I asked him about it, he said that he would have everything out of the way by the time he was fully moved in. Well, nothing has changed and now I've been living like this for two months. The other two rooms are an eyesore and we constantly keep the door closed. And they also kind of smell there. When I asked him about getting rid of those stuff, he admitted that these items are the things he's collected throughout the year and he doesn't want to get rid of them. What do I do? I already got rid of my condo but I can't live like this forever. I need some help."


That was a loaded submission. I get it. She trusted that her partner would clean out his home as he said he would before she moved in. But readers, this is what we mean by making sure you know your partner before making any huge steps. At the first sight of a red flag or even something that you're unsure of, nip it in the bud. Now this is not helpful for how she's going to move forward so here is what we suggest:


Set an expectation and stick to it. Lay down the law and let him know that you are not used to living with that level of untidiness. Be gentle about it and emphasize that you understand that these things have sentimental value to him, but let him know that you thought you were both on the same page before you had moved in that these things would be tidied up. Let him know that you're unsure if this is something that you can deal with long-term. If you see that nothing is changing you really have to stand your ground. Start looking for other condos, or let him know that you're happy to move into a new space that's you to the both of you where he can have the basement or the attic to hoard all of his things. Either way, if this is something that is going to make you unhappy in the long-term, you have to confront it face on.


Readers, do you have any advice? Let us know in the comments!


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